Did my last day of work experience today and I miss Ben so much! I got in a bit early today so I wouldn't miss the doctors going on round, and it worked, cos when I got there Christine said I was just in time to go on rounds with them. Ben was there, but not really with me. I was with this older consultant, who turned out to know my (sort of) friend Holly's dad. He asked me what school I went to and he was like 'ooh, I go to the football with her dad'. He was nice. Old. Chubby. Not attractive, but nice. Anyway, once we'd finished with the patients on M Ward, we were all milling about around the reception bit, where Ben had sat down, and Christine kinda put me under Ben's wing. When I'd originally seen him today, I thought he looked a little moody, but boy was I wrong. He is the nicest, sweetest, loveliest guy ever.

I walked beside him as we went with the other docs to different wards, and he kept talking and talking and it was fantastic. When I was on rounds with him on tuesday, he explained a few things to me like diabetes insulin charts, but today he didn't stop explaining and I loved it. He's so lovely, I know I said that but he is. We talked about everything from personal statements for uni, to the fact that predicted grades matter more than actual grades, to him using the example of a road going through a quiet town to explain how a surgical bypass works.

After rounds were over, the aforementioned consultant said there was a meeting I could sit in on later, or I could just follow Ben for the rest of the day. Guess which I picked? While he was telling me that, Ben was writing something on a piece of paper, and when the consultant finished talking to me, he gave me said piece of paper with his e-mail address and mobile number. He wasn't being dodgy or anything, as he told me (mores the pity), but it was in case in the future I had any questions or anything I may need to ask someone, and if I knew someone I could talk to, I could ring and say how I did some work experience with him and ask the question. How thoughtful and lovely was that?

After that we walked back up to M Ward and we both sat in the reception area, him on the computer, and I thought that would be it. Instead, he carried on chatting to me, about personal statements, saying similar stuff to earlier, how you have to expand on everything you say and exaggerate stuff to make it sound better. Then he went down this list of patients, explaining to me what was wrong with each of them and exactly what that meant. I learned so much from him.

A few years ago, in 2003, my Grandma died after having her leg amputated due to a blood clot. The doctors were worried that the blood clot could get to her brain and cause serious damage, and amputating her leg was the safest option. Unforunately, she was so depressed afterwards that she stopped eating and, eventually, drinking, and died not long afterwards. I was only 12 at the time, and so wasn't really aware of the facts other than that she had a blood clot and they needed to amputate her leg. But being on the vasular ward on work experience made me wonder more aobut it, and so I asked my mum the other day, hoping to make it clearer in my head. She just said that the leg was amputated so the blood clot didn't rush to her brain, but it was hardly a medical explanation.

I saw my oppurtunity to find out more about what happened to my Grandma today with Ben when he was explaining one of the patient's problems. He was doing one of many adorably crappy little drawings to help him explain stuff to me, and it included a blood clot. So I told him about my Grandma and was able to ask all the stuff my mum couldn't answer, like how blood clots happened, what caused them, why an amputation was required. 

He made things a lot clearer for me. He said that blood clots can occur because someone has blood which clots a lot naturally, or because a person didn't move around very much, and the blood becomes 'lazy' as he put it. That was the case for my Grandma. She was hardly moving around at all. He said that the reason it would have been amputated would have been because, like the doctors had told my parents, they were afraid it could become dislodged by a build up of blood trying to get through an artery and block off an artery needed by the brain. In some cases, clots can be removed in surgery by using a tool to get them out, but in some cases, depending on where abouts in the body the clot is, this procedure can make it worse as bits of the clot can break off and you end up causing what you're trying to prevent. Therefore an amputation can be the best option.

I kept thinking he was going to stop talking and get on with his work, but he didn't. He really seemed to enjoy explaining things to me. I thought he'd get bored but he didn't. He loved teaching me things. Unfortunately, after we'd gone through all the patients he said he was going home because today was supposed to be his day off. I thanked him and tried my best not to look gutted. I'm pretty sure I succeeded. Then I had to go hand in my apron thingy (my tabbard) to the office to get my £10 deposit back and go to lunch. I asked Christine what time I should tell my parents to pick me up and she said there wasn't anything happening in the afternoon, so I set off for lunch, saying I'd be back to get my stuff. I thought Ben had gone (and he had) and so I was really churned up and for the first time I couldn't face a proper lunch. I just had some crisps and chocolate, and even felt nauseous eating a malteaser! I was missing him already.

One of the doctors I'd gone round with on tuesday saw me as she was leaving the restaurant, Julia, and said she was off to a meeting I could sit in on if I wasn't busy. By then I'd already rung my parents to pick me up so I told her that and she was nice and wished me luck for the future, recommending Newcastle university, as that's where she went. After that I went back up to get my stuff from Christine, who also wished me luck, saying she hoped I was able to follow the medicine career and I left.

I've really enjoyed my work experience, all apart from yesterady, and especially today. Today the time justflew by cos I was with Ben and I genuinely found all the stuff he was telling me interesting. I'm definitely sure I want to become a doctor now. Ben reassured me when he said that he got an A and two Bs at A Level, and it's predicted grades that med schools care about rather than what you actually get. I really miss him.

I feel stupid for missing him but I really, really like him and now I'll never see him again. Not properly anyway. Since I've got home I've been really teary, and my mum (who I made up with last night) says that she spent most of her A Level years crying and that it's just the hormones. Fucking hormones. Making me think I love him. I hate my hormones! Though I can't deny that I don't particularly mind crying, I think it's healthy every so often.

And, so I can remember when I look back on this, the reasons I like Ben so much:
~ He was sweet
~ He was nice
~ He was funny
~ He was adorable
~ He was smart but not overly boffiny smart
~ He didn't look down on me
~ He has a lovely voice and southern accent
(I need to not use the past tense - he's still alive!)
~ He's a doctor
~ He's cute, but not so attractive that he'd have millions of girlfriends n stuff
~ He explained things to me in an understandable and adorable way (obsession with arteries being roads heehee)
~ He fucking gave me his mobile number and e-mail address in case I have any questions I need to ask him!
~ He actually realised I was there
~ I know I mentioned his voice, but it was lovely. He spoke quite quietly but I heard every word
~ He was young at heart, and just young
~ He had rabbit teeth in an arobale way (not like buck teeth, just slightly rabbitish when he smiled)
~ He has an adorbale laugh and smile
~ He laughs easily, and at the same stuff as me (like when the consultant said that once he wouldn't give a football fan patient anasthetic until he said the team the consultant supported were better than the team the patient supoorted - lol)
~ He eats Chewits
~ When we went to the hospital shop on tuesday with Julia, he got one of those 5p strawberry strip things and just bought that = adorable
~ He talked to me about the patients' problems before he elft rather than ditching me for the computer
~ He said 'South London' in a cockney accent when the consultant told me he (the consultant, that is) came from South London
~ HE'S BEN <3 <3 <3

I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!